well i love you so much, but do me a favor baby don't reply...

so i'm at a content point in my life
all i need is to graduate high school.
:)
good times for a change.
i'm over it.

i'm going to do it this time.

really means nothing now-a-days.

My divorce from dependence
That's when you found me
I was still soft
And we always were in trouble
Odds stacked against us
And trouble's what we are

We get so far
And then it just start rewinding
And the same old song
We're playing it again
Suspension without suspense

Now that I've murdered your inspiration
And I forced you off
Do you hate me?
Do you want revenge?
I want to call you
But I won't

We get so far
And then it just starts rewinding
And the same old song
We're playing it again
Suspension without suspense

Oh the pessimistic protection plan
Moderation loving
I've been hardened by the circumstance
We knew this was coming

We get so far
And then it just starts rewinding
And the same old song
We're playing it again
Suspension without suspense

We get so far
And then it just starts rewinding
And the same old song
We're playing it again and again
Suspension without suspense
Intentions without intent
But I don't want the love we have to end

i need new friends.

hello little red, my how've you grown
i wanted you dead, though i wanted you all.
come follow me, i'll take you to a show
i'll make you fall, fall in love with a foe.

stumbling and wondering, where do i go? you told me i'm unwanted and to go the fuck home.
mumbling and sobbing, i hated you so. i said "you'll be unwanted by every girl now."

evil, evil. i quite understand, i saw you once disguised as a gentleman.
civil, civil. did i misapprehend a kiss for a trick that you had in your hand?

so now i'm not so proud to mention your name, you've grown upside down, speaking so vain.
so now i heard your list is growing, do you take girls from a crowd for a private showing?

i use to make our meetings a blur, i can't pretend to love you still sir.

went to a party.
saw you.
wasn't interested.
drank a few beers,
remembered what it felt like...
asked you questions,
haven't seen you for a couple of months,
you kiss me,
try to forget it,
ask me if we're cool,
no.

then i remembered, i do want something, but it's not you.
ended the night well... with a better fello.

i'm going to start my next coloring session this wednesday.
:D

and to think some people didn't think i would go through with it.
well, those people can S my D.

loveyourface,
melissa.

and that redish stuff isn't blood, it's the ink.
:)

Sappy pathetic little me
That was the girl I used to be
You had me on my knees



I'd trade you places any day
I'd never thought you could be that way
But you looked like me on Sunday
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well

You're trying my shoes on for a change
They look so good but fit so strange
Out of fashion so I can complain

You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well

I know who I am, but who are you?
You're not looking like you used to
You're on the other side of the mirror
So nothing's looking quite as clear

Thank you, for turning on the light
Thank you, now you're the parasite
I didn't think you had it in you
And now, you're looking like I used to!

You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
And you want me badly
You cannot have me

I thought I knew you
I've got a new view
I thought I knew you well...oh well

so i have a few options for what i can do to celebrate my 18th birthday.
bowling
karaoking
or a party... or maybe i can have a birthday weekend and do them all?


fawk. i just want to have fun.

sleeping early last night to wake up in a good mood today.
being in a good mood because you got enough sleep, had time to eat breakfast, and actually looked liked you didn't dress yourself in the dark and then...
getting to an abandoned school... because you didn't know that you had an extra week for break.


ballz.

i'm only human and i admit that i'm not content with some of the stuff i have done or said, but one of my biggest faults is that i have not been following through with what i say i'll do. i have said so many things, but failed to actually accomplish it. whatever the excuse, i'm sick of it.
i hope i last with what i say, sometimes i get so tempted to fall back, but remembering everything that has happened to me... it just isn't worth going through anymore.
so i'm not going back to those (or better said, he) who didn't care enough about me because when i give my all i expect the same, not less.
i am going to work hard to push aside my selfish and shallowe point of view and try to accept a more open minded one. i forget that we are all humans and that having extreme expectations for people is silly. over time you learn to like or love someone, friends or boyfriends.
the only thing you can do is evolve into something better, i'll have my past and my mistakes and grow better from them. i can't erase everything, you just move on and the best time to start is now.

i'm a bit sad... but more happy that a new year is almost here.

between me and my lady parts.
so i had my period for the first time in 7 months (due to stress and birth control) and man, it was the worst week of my life.


but now it's over.
no more BC side effects
no more pain... for a month
no more being moody and stressed and feeling like the world fell apart above my head.




hollaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

sorry, if that was TMI.

i think i was allergic to my mascara because my eyes were always fucking irritated, so i have decided to not wear make up until my birthday and birthday party.
i saw the guy who will be doing my tattoo yesterday at starbucks. it was one of those awkward conversations where you don't know if it's quick or long because of how well you know the person. if it's an old friend, probably long. new friend, short and sweet and maybe even an offering to hang out. best friend, probably a long conversation about some funny shit. this one was a little weird. my communication skills are a bit sketch.
so i think i've narrowed down my costume options to:

-juno
-velma (scooby-doo)
or
-lucy (charlie brown)

which one do you like most?

the mind of a boy.
ever.

i seriously give up on even trying.
too many older creepy guys are hitting on me.
all these young guys that have some potential, i don't really like.
and the guy i like so much... well, he can be a big dickwad.


i just want brandon boyd, that's all.

never was on time
yes, i once was mine
but that was long ago
and darling i don't mind
we were just two friends in lust
and darling that don't mean much
yeah, you trained me not to love
after you showed me what it was...

I found my dog Muffy dead lying in the grass of our neighbors in front of our house. Something, probably a dog, killed her because she had blood all over her neck.
One of the shittiest days of my life.
I've moved from place to place, gained friends, lost some, but I have had that dog for almost my entire life. She was my first bit of responsibility. She was MINE, not the family dog. I remember when she was a little puppy she would come in my room and get on my bed until I woke up. We left our gate open at our old house and Muffy would run to my school and if she didn't find me she would run down to the middle school where my sister went.
She was such an amazing dog, I don't care how weird it must seem to other people, but that dog was a big piece of my life.

So, R.I.P. Muffy

(1997-2008).

today with my best friend.
fuckyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

so after looking at my schedule i found out i am working a lot of freaking hours, more money for me. yes. i hate the small amount of pay i get, it really because i'm a minor and can't work too many hours. i'm lucky i work at a really busy starbucks.
i went in at 8 today and left at 2. dear god, i'm tried as fuck. but stevey stopped by and made my day. sometimes it's hard to be really happy with customers when you're really tried. i had to be the drive thru register and operator today, so a bunch of customers come through drive and i have to be really nice and offer them pastries and write cups then put it in the computer. my multitasking skills are much better now, thanks starbucks!
anywho, life's pretty good. finished my economy article, i'm actually really excited for this month's newspaper distribution. i have two tests tomorrow. ummmmm..... oh and drama is the funniest shit ever. some boys are really slow when it comes to the littlest things. we made the easiest script and they had problems remembering it. i mean i read through it once and i knew every character's line. the teacher made me a director. that's why i love drama, my teacher knows i do my work so he let's me eat and come late to class.
senior year is a breeeeeeeeze. i have a date tonight too. shit, i have to go get ready right now.
so how was everyone's weekend?

that i could care less about anyone besides my family and a few friends.
stevey, ani, kerry, and aj being a few of my top ones.


la vida es treminda, tambien esta nina.